I stole some time from sleep tonight and added basic functionality for adding comments. I just need the ability to post entries from a form and I suppose I can make this semi-live. I still need to set up the archives and links pages, though.

I couldn’t help but post this. *GRIN*

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note … these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

And I’m spent.

I couldn’t help it. I picked up a new tv and a dvd player that plays DivX movies the other day. The dvd player also has a network jack so I can pull divx movies from my computers. Not too shabby. Now I just need to mod it so it can be wireless.

Not too much else - mostly work. I started the year off all ambitious and here I am now posting once a week at best. So much I want to do, so little time and whatnot.

It seems like summer is finally here in Chicago. It only took a few months, but it is now roasting at 90 degrees each day. Needless to say, the third floor of my apartment is drawing heat pretty well and I fear I may have to resort to air conditioning soon enough.

So I just procured some sling chairs from Restoration Hardware the other night for my back porch. And now I am sitting out on the back porch on my wireless network listening to the sounds of the city. Life isn’t too shabby…

My DSL was abnormally slow, lately. I called their tech support and they told me that an automated “optimization test” was run and it was determined that my line could not handle the full bandwidth, so the “optimization process” limited me to the slowest speed possible. What kind of optimization is that?!

In any case, they had a tech come out and look at it this morning. Prior to the tech poking around in the phone box, I was downloading at 40Kb/sec. After the tech jiggled the wire and we plugged everything back in, I was downloading at normal speeds again. What the heck, Bobby!

One theme that seems to be somewhat common since I’ve moved to the city - getting home at 4am. I certainly don’t mind, though.

I am in a hole known as Peru, IL. The hotel I’m staying at has the dirtiest phone lines I have ever dialed up across. I cannot seem to connect for more than five minutes every hour. When I am not connected, I am trying to connect and either constantly trying to reconnect or getting bumped off immediately after I do. I must be getting punished by the Internet gods for some reason. Which raises an interesting question….if there were an Internet God, who would it be?

I was taking a cab somewhere last night and didn’t have any small bills on me. The ride ended up being $5.90, so I had the cabbie a 20 and ask for $13 back. He didn’t have any 1’s handy, so he had to dig into his stash, but finally handed me four bills back. As I’m about to get out of the car, I spread the bills and notice they’re all 1’s! I mention this to the cabbie and he mumbles something about forgetting to give me the $10 and hands me two 5’s. grrr - oh well, at least I caught it…

Congrats to my sister, the mother of a brand new 9.4lb baby boy! Wow…that means I’m an Uncle. Crazy.